How to do

The things that often tie us down in life can easily disguise themselves as necessities—like that voice in our heads telling us we have to be perfect or that we need everyone’s thumbs-up to feel good about ourselves. There’s this relentless chase for approval and an intense fear of not living up to our own or others' expectations. While these obsessions make us feel like we’re in control, they often lead us to a deep sense of dissatisfaction. Understanding this contradiction is crucial if we really want to find true happiness.

Take perfectionism, for example. It’s kind of like a double-edged sword. Sure, it pushes us to do our best, but it also locks us into a cage of impossible standards. When we always aim for the sky, we’re setting ourselves up for endless disappointment. Studies have shown that perfectionists tend to struggle with anxiety and depression more than others because they can’t quite recognize their victories, always thinking, “I could’ve done better.” Rather than being a motivational force, this way of thinking often becomes a never-ending cycle of harsh self-criticism.

Then there’s that insatiable need for approval. Society has conditioned us to believe our worth is tied to how much others validate us. Whether it’s fishing for likes on social media or tweaking our personalities to fit in with certain crowds, when our self-esteem hinges on what others think, we lose grip on what makes us genuinely happy. Instead of allowing ourselves to express who we really are, we often find ourselves compromising our identities and then, surprise, surprise—we feel regret later on. The tireless pursuit of approval is utterly draining, leaving us perpetually fatigued and still unfulfilled.

And let’s not forget about the fear of failure—it can be a major roadblock. We often shy away from seizing new opportunities because we dread the consequences of not meeting expectations we’ve set or those imposed on us. This fear wraps us in chains, restricting our growth and stunting our potential. Rather than viewing setbacks as paths toward success, we treat them as validations of our inadequacies. As a result, we miss out on priceless lessons that could offer us greater self-awareness and the resilience we need to thrive.

Shifting from these suffocating obsessions to a more liberated way of thinking requires deliberate effort. One of the first steps is learning to embrace imperfection. Realizing that mistakes are part of the learning curve can help chip away at the rigid expectations we’ve built around success. This change allows us to relish our achievements while encouraging a mindset of curiosity instead of fear.

As we tread this path of self-discovery, we come to realize that the chains we wear are often self-forged. Identifying and confronting our obsessions is the key to altering our emotional state. Moving from a mindset fixated on others’ perceptions or our unrealistic standards to one that nurtures authenticity and openness is not just about cultivating happiness; it’s a profound way to enhance our lives.

In essence, figuring out what causes our unhappiness is the first step toward breaking free. By unraveling the complexities of our obsessions, we open doors to a more fulfilling life. Embracing who we are—flaws and all—can lead us to peace and self-acceptance, liberating us from the confines we once believed defined us.